Depression... How fun

Depression, depression, and more depression...

I'm depressed again, for some unknown reason. Come on... Am I doomed to be depressed for all time? No matter how good a day starts, it still ends badly because as afternoon approaches I get into one of my bad moods. And it happens nearly every day.

I had one of those moods this afternoon. My blockmate noticed how mataray I was, and what he said was "Ang taray mo lagi kapag may libro ka. Di ko alam kung bakit pero ang taray mo talaga. Kanina masaya ka na eh."

It's really weird... happiness for me is just so fleeting. I started the day right, and towards the afternoon (like I said) everything just began to crumble and I was once again that gloomy, apocalyptic character that I was the previous afternoon. Save for a few precious minutes where everything felt right. It may sound so shallow, but a book was what provided me with that little happiness I got this afternoon. Thank goodness for the lab breakage fee that I got back...:P

Anyway... yeah, we went to National Bookstore Katips and that was where I saw so many books I wanted to buy. I chose to buy one which did not look like it would be easy to find in every bookstore (tipong Anne Rice, John Grisham, Sidney Sheldon, etc., na makikita mo sa kahit saang bookstore ka maghanap), and I used up Php 315 from what I got just for that. But it still gave me a thrill knowing that it was my first new book in a long while (two months have passed since I last bought a book). As I headed to the counter, I was ecstatic and I was literally skipping on the way there. Imagine a seventeen-year old skipping on the way to the counter in National Bookstore, with a huge smile plastered on her face, eyes shining (probably... I wouldn't know, would I?) in delight, like a seven year-old off to pay for the Barbie House/Caravan/Beach/Sports Car/Powder table which her mom permitted her to have.

I paid for the book, and we (course blockmates Paolo (Fernando) and Bea Marie (real name does not have any "Marie" in it) headed back to school on a tricycle. I was so excited. I've already pulled the book out of the plastic bag and was just waiting until we got down because I couldn't remove the plastic wrapping in that small cramped space of the tricycle. We went to the CovCourts, and as soon as I got down from the trike I tore off the wrapping... I couldn't wait to sit down and start on the 400 pages it contained.

But as soon as I sat down and the initial excitement died down, I reverted back to the depressed me before I bought the book. As I said, Paolo thought it was just the "usual me" when I am with a book, but I know it was not that. I don't normally get depressed and grim when I have a new book to read. I normally keep on smiling, because books put me in a good mood.

Is there a depression sickness or something? I feel as if I should start seeing a psychiatrist if this goes on...

Or maybe this depression is due to the horrible things I know are happening to me and around me but I refuse to acknowledge...

Still, it frustrates the hell out of me when I get into these moods for "no reason at all."