My place...

Where I belong...

A lot of time has passed since I met my barkada back in first year High School. Back then we were all just nenes, 12 year-olds who barely know anything about the world. Everything seemed innocent back then, and we were all just on equal footing. Now... Now that we're 16 and 17 year-olds, you can't help but have this certain feeling of inferiority, and sometimes even immaturity.

I was checking on my barkada's friendster accounts, and I looked at their newly uploaded pictures. There's only one word to describe what I saw. KIKAY. They've all gotten so kikay, that sometimes I couldn't help but think I don't belong with them. I mean, I can be maarte and kikay too at times, but I've never ever reached the level where they are in. I don't use make up, I don't wear short skirts and flimsy tops, I don't go out to the mall in search of potential boyfriends, batting my eyelashes at them until they take notice of me. As far as my 'kikayness" goes, I've reached only that level where I use a little face powder now and then and a bit of lip gloss just to make my lips look less pale.

I don't know why, but when I look at them, I sometimes tend to think that they have already turned into "real women" while I remain an immature child. Kung baga, parang talagang dalaga na sila, habang ako ay bata pa rin na ang pinag-kakaabalahan ay anime. They fit into the society, those with the "in" clothing, while I still wear the usual jeans, shirt, and rubber shoes.

But then I think "Clothing is not enough to establish a person's maturity or her worth." Just because they look like everyone else, and do what everyone else does (like going to spas and such), it does not mean that they are better people than I am. I think that of them all I am the one doing the more "mature" things. I don't go boy-hunting, which may make me seem like such a loser in other people's eyes. Heck, I don't even have serious crushes on people. The only crushes I get are those that are of pure admiration, and I don't even feel any kilig when I see them, unlike others. Weird, huh? But that's just really what I am. Unlike them, I don't fall for a lot of guys all at once, but when I do fall, I fall hard. I'm not generalizing this boy-hunting thing, but in their case it sometimes really just goes overboard.

Which is also one reason why I don't feel like I belong when I am with them. While they are talking to one another, giggling about the crushes they see along the hallways of their schools, I just remain in the background, sitting there and listening in on their conversations.

But then when I finally get home after meeting up with them, I begin to think that they are not really the "mature" beings that they seem to be. All that run through their heads are fashion and boys. At least I am serious about my studies and my priorities. Even if they are Dean's Listers in DLSU and I am nearly failing here in Ateneo, at least I know I am trying my best and doing everything I can to survive here. At least I have a good spiritual life. They claim to be part of YFC, they claim to love God so much and to do everything for His greater glory. But when nighttime comes, where are they? In the mall, shopping and wasting their money (because they've got a lot, anyway), getting their bellies and ears pierced, or in bars getting drunk and partying with boys, escaping from their parents (hahaha... sorry... translation: tumatakas sa mga magulang... :P Di ko alam kung paano i-translate eh:P). Ano bang magandang nagagawa ng pag-takas sa mga magulang, ng pagsisinungaling para lang makapaglakwatsa? Wala naman diba?

Yun... Basta yun na yun.:P