Shitty Shit
Forgot to cross-post this last Friday...
~~~~~~~
Life has been shitty the past week. I've been feeling depressed (don't ask), and because of that I've been treating some people badly. Badly as in getting all worked up about simple things and shit like that.
Dammit, it's not like I'm asking for this. It's not as if I like feeling like shit, as if I like feeling unloved and alone (when in fact I'm not), as if I like everything that has been happening this past week.
Sometimes I would be in the worst mood, and in the process people end up thinking I'm mad at them. Please don't think of it that way. It's just really the way I am. I was trying to refrain from acting like that, and to the most that I could I tried to smile and pretend like nothing was wrong, but sometimes it just does not work.
Maybe I have some sort of emotional disorder or something. I haven't been emotionally stable these days. I was talking to a friend on the phone I think last Saturday or Sunday night, and I actually "broke down" and cried. A bit. I told that friend about how sucky life has been. He has this habit of being mean to me in a joking manner (it IS only a joke, right?) and when I told him I'd cry because of how mean he was, I actually did. It took me a while to compose myself...
Then a few minutes ago I was answering a survey in Friendster out of boredom (as usual), and I got this:
12.) Umiyak ka ba kanina?= Hahaha... Lingid sa kaalaman ng buong klase ko, oo. Biruin mo yun... Umiiyak na pala ako nung math period di pa rin nila napansin! So either magaling lang talaga akong magtago or wala silang pakialam sa akin. Haaay...
See... I was actually crying during math period this morning. I just really couldn't take the depression. I know I've been telling people that I am okay, but actually I am not. When I look like I have a problem and yet I say I don't, it's a sign that something's up. I just don't want to share it to anyone.
Sometimes life gets better. Like when I'm with my blockmates. Surprisingly enough, even though most of them are guys I still find talking to them a very pleasing thing to do. Even if they are slightly mean... Haha.
Like last night. We were at UP for the optional play that we had to watch for Fil. After the play, we hung out a bit at the parking lot (way to go!) and the whole time I found myself laughing and laughing. There were Kristle, Carol, Bea, Ann, Eloy, Mark Manio, Mark Ang, Paopao, Paolo, Lean, Boss Rodri and Lenvic. Even though I was with the boys and not with the girls, and I was constantly being picked on, I still enjoyed the night. Seriously, I'm thankful that I have them for blockmates.
Wait, enough depressing shit. Move on to lighter things.
I just realized when I was walking home this morning that the school week has ended and yet I still have an LRT card with around 35 pesos worth remaining. it's all due to the rains that have been pouring the past week. Everytime it rained, I asked our driver to bring me to school, and so I saved up on money.
And I'm actually thankful that our driver seems to be a race car driver in his past life. A few words like "Tingin niyo po ba aabot ako sa Ateneo ng 9:30?" and he's be breezing past cars and jeepneys on the road. Like there was one day I was heading to school in the car and when I told him the exact same line I stated his driving just sped up. One minute we had just entered Kamias, and in 5 minutes we were well into Xavierville. Talk about fast!
Hmmm... What else?
I've been so out of it lately. This Wednesday, I had a GA for an org at 4:30-6 pm, and I totally forgot about it. Paolo just reminded me of it on Wednesday morning itself. Good thing the CYA fellowship on the same time was cancelled, so I got to attend the GA. I was wondering why no one told me about there being a GA. I got the answer while I was at the LRT station. I took my card out of my wallet and when I did I saw this little piece of paper that was given to us on the day of our interview. It had the date and time of the GA printed on it. Stupid of me to forget.
Then Thursday (yesterday) evening I was supposed to go to this party for CYA freshmen in UST. We talked about it in TOSH the night before, and I as good as gave my attendance. I just had to confirm it with my parents. And they allowed me to go when I told them about it when I got home. Behold, come Thursday morning and I learn that the optional play we had to watch was on the same night. Great. I had to back out of the party plan to watch a freakin' play that I didn't even understand.
Then today was the AECES GA. I knew it was today, at 4:30-6. And I knew we had ELC lab at 3:30-5:30. I suppose my brain must have failed to process the fact that the times overlap, so when I heard Paolo tell Mr. Boss Luigi that we end class at 5:30 and we would be late for the GA I was surprised. Talk about really sabog.
Today, we also had to go to UP for the Ictus thing for Theo. We left school before 1, and when we got there the kids we were supposed to be teaching weren' there yet. We went to the Shopping Center and I found Niki! Weee! Totally a good thing that she transferred from LB to Diliman.:) Oh, and when we were ordering at Rodic's I found Ate Ning-ning. I totally forgot that she was teaching there.
We left at around 3:15 because remember we had class at 3:30. We left Carol and Ann there since they had no classes. Went to school, had ELC lab, and left for the GA at around 5:45. Of course, the GA must have started later than 4:30... What else do you expect?
Laughed with coursemates, ate, didn't win anything from the raffle, and then finally at 8 it ended. Paolo and I brought Ayen to Xavier, followed Eloy, and Tosh to Dela Costa, and with Lean we walked outside school. Lean left for the LRT, Tosh rode a jeep home, I think, and Eloy left us just before we crossed the street from Shakey's to Mcdo.
I got a free ride home! Hahaha! Good thing they were picking up Paolo's Ate in UERM, so I rode with them. I got off at the ex-KFC/McDo/Kodak/a lot more area and walked home. It was my first time to walk the overpass... Wala lang.:) Walked to the South entrance to the LRT and crossed to the other side, then went on walking.
Oh yeah, thanks for the ride.:)
So there. That has been my shitty/happy week.
I bet everyone would be surprised to know I was crying during math. Hahaha! Duh! Who wouldn't be?!
~~~~~~~
Life has been shitty the past week. I've been feeling depressed (don't ask), and because of that I've been treating some people badly. Badly as in getting all worked up about simple things and shit like that.
Dammit, it's not like I'm asking for this. It's not as if I like feeling like shit, as if I like feeling unloved and alone (when in fact I'm not), as if I like everything that has been happening this past week.
Sometimes I would be in the worst mood, and in the process people end up thinking I'm mad at them. Please don't think of it that way. It's just really the way I am. I was trying to refrain from acting like that, and to the most that I could I tried to smile and pretend like nothing was wrong, but sometimes it just does not work.
Maybe I have some sort of emotional disorder or something. I haven't been emotionally stable these days. I was talking to a friend on the phone I think last Saturday or Sunday night, and I actually "broke down" and cried. A bit. I told that friend about how sucky life has been. He has this habit of being mean to me in a joking manner (it IS only a joke, right?) and when I told him I'd cry because of how mean he was, I actually did. It took me a while to compose myself...
Then a few minutes ago I was answering a survey in Friendster out of boredom (as usual), and I got this:
12.) Umiyak ka ba kanina?= Hahaha... Lingid sa kaalaman ng buong klase ko, oo. Biruin mo yun... Umiiyak na pala ako nung math period di pa rin nila napansin! So either magaling lang talaga akong magtago or wala silang pakialam sa akin. Haaay...
See... I was actually crying during math period this morning. I just really couldn't take the depression. I know I've been telling people that I am okay, but actually I am not. When I look like I have a problem and yet I say I don't, it's a sign that something's up. I just don't want to share it to anyone.
Sometimes life gets better. Like when I'm with my blockmates. Surprisingly enough, even though most of them are guys I still find talking to them a very pleasing thing to do. Even if they are slightly mean... Haha.
Like last night. We were at UP for the optional play that we had to watch for Fil. After the play, we hung out a bit at the parking lot (way to go!) and the whole time I found myself laughing and laughing. There were Kristle, Carol, Bea, Ann, Eloy, Mark Manio, Mark Ang, Paopao, Paolo, Lean, Boss Rodri and Lenvic. Even though I was with the boys and not with the girls, and I was constantly being picked on, I still enjoyed the night. Seriously, I'm thankful that I have them for blockmates.
Wait, enough depressing shit. Move on to lighter things.
I just realized when I was walking home this morning that the school week has ended and yet I still have an LRT card with around 35 pesos worth remaining. it's all due to the rains that have been pouring the past week. Everytime it rained, I asked our driver to bring me to school, and so I saved up on money.
And I'm actually thankful that our driver seems to be a race car driver in his past life. A few words like "Tingin niyo po ba aabot ako sa Ateneo ng 9:30?" and he's be breezing past cars and jeepneys on the road. Like there was one day I was heading to school in the car and when I told him the exact same line I stated his driving just sped up. One minute we had just entered Kamias, and in 5 minutes we were well into Xavierville. Talk about fast!
Hmmm... What else?
I've been so out of it lately. This Wednesday, I had a GA for an org at 4:30-6 pm, and I totally forgot about it. Paolo just reminded me of it on Wednesday morning itself. Good thing the CYA fellowship on the same time was cancelled, so I got to attend the GA. I was wondering why no one told me about there being a GA. I got the answer while I was at the LRT station. I took my card out of my wallet and when I did I saw this little piece of paper that was given to us on the day of our interview. It had the date and time of the GA printed on it. Stupid of me to forget.
Then Thursday (yesterday) evening I was supposed to go to this party for CYA freshmen in UST. We talked about it in TOSH the night before, and I as good as gave my attendance. I just had to confirm it with my parents. And they allowed me to go when I told them about it when I got home. Behold, come Thursday morning and I learn that the optional play we had to watch was on the same night. Great. I had to back out of the party plan to watch a freakin' play that I didn't even understand.
Then today was the AECES GA. I knew it was today, at 4:30-6. And I knew we had ELC lab at 3:30-5:30. I suppose my brain must have failed to process the fact that the times overlap, so when I heard Paolo tell Mr. Boss Luigi that we end class at 5:30 and we would be late for the GA I was surprised. Talk about really sabog.
Today, we also had to go to UP for the Ictus thing for Theo. We left school before 1, and when we got there the kids we were supposed to be teaching weren' there yet. We went to the Shopping Center and I found Niki! Weee! Totally a good thing that she transferred from LB to Diliman.:) Oh, and when we were ordering at Rodic's I found Ate Ning-ning. I totally forgot that she was teaching there.
We left at around 3:15 because remember we had class at 3:30. We left Carol and Ann there since they had no classes. Went to school, had ELC lab, and left for the GA at around 5:45. Of course, the GA must have started later than 4:30... What else do you expect?
Laughed with coursemates, ate, didn't win anything from the raffle, and then finally at 8 it ended. Paolo and I brought Ayen to Xavier, followed Eloy, and Tosh to Dela Costa, and with Lean we walked outside school. Lean left for the LRT, Tosh rode a jeep home, I think, and Eloy left us just before we crossed the street from Shakey's to Mcdo.
I got a free ride home! Hahaha! Good thing they were picking up Paolo's Ate in UERM, so I rode with them. I got off at the ex-KFC/McDo/Kodak/a lot more area and walked home. It was my first time to walk the overpass... Wala lang.:) Walked to the South entrance to the LRT and crossed to the other side, then went on walking.
Oh yeah, thanks for the ride.:)
So there. That has been my shitty/happy week.
I bet everyone would be surprised to know I was crying during math. Hahaha! Duh! Who wouldn't be?!
posted by berries 'n cream @ 11:13 AM
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